I am a germophobe and proud of it. Washing my hands 60 times a day does not bother me in the least. I believe it has been my clean habits which have kept my absenteeism to a minimum. (Two days in twenty years).
I invite all citizens to join our ranks. In order to join, please take a few moments to familiarize yourself with these few lessons.
Lesson number one: Handwashing in public restrooms
Wash your hands with soap and water and after the last rinse be careful so you:
DO NOT touch the faucets. (You and others turned the spigots on with DIRTY HANDS).
DO NOT touch the button on the blow dryer. Use your elbow.
DO NOT touch the wheel of the paper towel dispenser. Touch only the paper towels.
DO NOT touch the endless cloth towel. (Germs migrate along the fibers) (I don’t know of any place that actually has one of these 20th-century relics, but there it is).
DO NOT touch the door. This one is tricky. Huge restrooms have no door. Fancy restrooms employ a butler equivalent to open it for you. If the door swings out, you are in luck. You could conceivably WAIT for someone else to come in, but that could take a while. My best advice is to protect yourself and grasp the handle with paper towels. Disposal of the towel then becomes problematic but if there is a receptacle nearby, you have won.
Lesson number two
Wash your hands with soap and water when you get home — especially if you’ve been to a public place or have handled any money.
Lesson number three
Wash hands before eating.
Lesson number four: Buffet lines
This is a tough one. Progressive establishments and enlightened party givers will put out waterless gel hand cleaner at the start of the line. (I would like to make this a constitutional amendment but that would take time.) If you can’t clean your hands at the start of the line do so after you’ve loaded your plate but before you sit and eat. ALWAYS use utensils and tongs to load up. NEVER touch the food with your hands until you sit down to eat.
Lesson number five: restaurants
Wash your hands after ordering and handing the menu back to your server. Handle the salt and pepper shakers cautiously. Do not put your hands on the table or on the seat. (How many times have you seen a server wash the table and then, with the same rag, wash the seat? Unless that towel is disposed of immediately and a fresh one used for every table, just imagine the E. coli spreading like a bad rumor. ).
Lesson number six: Sneezing and Coughing
Use a handkerchief or a tissue or, if none available, sneeze into your elbow.
Lesson number seven: The handshake
When someone says hello and extends their hand towards you, take it and shake it warmly. To do otherwise is unspeakably rude and will ruin the moment (and probably more than that). From that moment, be careful not to touch anywhere near your face. Go about your business, act normally, and at your first discrete opportunity, wash your hands or refresh with hand gel.
Lesson number eight: Hand gel
Keep a bottle in your kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, office, briefcase, car, and pocket etc. etc. One cannot be too careful nowadays.
Master these lessons and you will quickly become a member in good standing of Germophobes Anonymous. Welcome to the club.
Copyright 2010 Timewise Medical
